Post 8: Blogmas 2025: What I Wish People Understood About Being Autistic

I am writing this for everyone.

Not in a “let me educate you nicely while you argue with me in the comments” way. More in a “this is what I wish was common knowledge so I did not have to keep translating myself” way.

A lot of the time, autistic people are not trying to be difficult. We are not trying to be rude. We are not trying to make things awkward. We are just saying what we mean.

I am not being rude. I am being direct.

This is the one I wish people understood first.

If I say something plainly, it is usually not a hidden message. It is not a passive-aggressive hint. It is not a secret test. It is just the words.

A really simple example is the question “How are you doing?” A lot of people ask that as a greeting and expect “fine” or “good,” and then you move on. But I tend to answer with how I am actually doing, because I am answering the question that was asked.

I am not trying to trauma dump, and I am not trying to make it weird. If you want a quick greeting, a “hey!” works. If you want the real answer, ask me how I am doing and be ready for the real answer.

If you have met one autistic person, you have met one autistic person

I need this printed on a billboard.

Autism is a spectrum, but not a straight line from “mild” to “severe,” and not a checklist where everyone has the same traits. It is more like a color wheel. Two autistic people can have completely different needs, completely different strengths, and completely different ways of showing up in the world.

So when someone says, “Well my cousin is autistic and he does not do that,” all I can really think is: cool. That is your cousin. I am me.

“You do not look autistic” is not a compliment

This one makes my eye twitch, because what does autistic look like, exactly?

Most of the time, when people say this, what they mean is that you are speaking, you are making eye contact (or faking it), you are dressed in a way they consider “normal,” and you are functioning in public.

A lot of autistic people learn how to perform “fine.” We learn scripts. We learn smiles. We learn the right amount of eye contact. We learn how to laugh at the right time. That does not mean we are not autistic. It means we are masking.

Masking is exhausting (and it can look like a shutdown)

I still mask, but not nearly as much as I used to. These days, it mostly shows up in social situations where I am not comfortable, especially at markets when I am vending.

I can be chatty and “on” and do the whole friendly small business owner thing. Then the market ends and I shut down. I did not even realize I was doing this until a friend pointed it out. She said she could literally see me go from chatty to looking sad.

The thing is, I was not sad. I was just done. Sometimes what looks like a mood shift is actually a nervous system crash.

A lot of women and femme people get misdiagnosed

This is one of those topics I wish more people knew about, because it changes lives.

A lot of women and femme people get misdiagnosed, often with PTSD or bipolar. Sometimes it is not either or. Sometimes it is both. Sometimes it is neither, and autism is the missing piece.

Sometimes this happens because we present differently than the stereotypes people still cling to. Sometimes it happens because we are taught, from a young age, to be agreeable, quiet, and “easy.” Sometimes it happens because we are really good at copying what we see. And sometimes it happens because doctors are human, and the system is not built to catch us.

If you are someone who has been told you are too sensitive, too intense, too much, too dramatic, too quiet, too anything, and nothing ever fully fit, you are not alone.

Sensory overload is not consistent day to day

My sensory tolerance changes depending on the day. Something that is fine on Tuesday might be unbearable on Thursday.

Sound is usually my biggest trigger, especially tapping or any noise that is not consistent. And here is a weird fact about me: if I control the volume, I can handle it loud or soft. If someone else controls it, I cannot handle it as loud. I do not know why. My brain just does that.

What actually helps

If you want to support autistic people better, here are a few things that genuinely help.

• Believe us when we tell you what we need
• Ask direct questions instead of guessing
• Do not treat direct communication like an attitude problem
• Remember that autism does not have one “look”
• Give advanced notice when you can
• If plans have to change, give a heads up

You do not have to be perfect. You just have to be willing.

A quick note about markets (so you do not take it personally)

If you have ever chatted with me at a market and then watched me get quiet later, please know it is not you.

It is not that I am upset, and it is not that I am bored, and it is not that I am suddenly having a terrible time. It is usually that I have hit my social limit and my body is switching into shutdown mode.

If I seem quieter at the end of the day, I promise I am still happy you stopped by.

If you want to support autistic creators (and grab some autistic merch)

If you want something small that says what you mean, I have a few autism and neurodivergent-friendly items in my shop:

• Treat Ableism Not Autism Sticker
• People Not Puzzles Sticker
• Autistic Person On Board Car Decal (Weatherproof Safety Sticker)
• Neurospicy Pepper Sticker
• Calm Kit

Not alone

If you are autistic and reading this, especially if you have spent your whole life feeling like you are failing at being a person, I need you to hear this.

You are not broken. You are not rude for saying what you mean. You are not faking because you can function in public. You are not alone.