Post 3: Hobbies for Myself: Crochet, Drawing, and Making Without Selling

I need to tell you something that might sound strange coming from someone who runs a handmade business: not everything I make is for sale. And more importantly, not everything I do has to be productive.

I'm still learning that second part.

The One Thing That's Just Mine: Video Games

Video games are my 100% non-profit hobby. They always have been, and they always will be. There's no monetization, no "content creation," no way to turn this into a side hustle. It's just for me.

I started gaming back in the 80's with an Atari. My first actual gaming system was a Nintendo, and then the updated Nintendo a year or so later. But I found my true gaming passion when I discovered PC gaming. That's where I live now.

I love tycoon games. Always have. My first game that I played religiously was an MS-DOS game called Transport Tycoon and Transport Tycoon Deluxe. For those who aren't aware - yes, MS-DOS still exists. It's what Windows is basically built on top of. Games back then ran within DOS. You can still play Transport Tycoon for free, and even though the graphics are very outdated, it's still rather fun.

These days I'm playing City Skylines 2 (surprised? Probably not), Far Cry (pretty much any and all versions), Medieval Dynasty, and Prison Architect. I also enjoy playing co-op games with my son, who lives down in Virginia. Those gaming sessions mean a lot to me.

Video games give me something I desperately need: permission to just exist without producing anything. No one benefits from my gameplay except me. There's no product at the end, no revenue, no business justification. Just enjoyment.

The Hobbies That Became Work (And Still Bring Joy)

Crochet and embroidery are more complicated.

I learned to crochet when I was 13. My eldest sister, Leta, taught me and her daughter. Yes, I have a niece who's six months older than me. Yes, I know that's weird. We've done it on and off since then - it used to be just a seasonal thing, but now I crochet year round.

Here's the thing, though: I enjoy making gifts for people just as much as I enjoy doing it for business. Sometimes more. There's something special about crocheting a buddy for a friend just because I want to, not because there's a transaction involved.

Embroidery is newer for me. I just learned about six months ago, and it is so relaxing. I took to it pretty fast, and because I'm me, I immediately started making my own patterns. Now it's in my shop. I also do embroidery as gifts for friends and family.

And that's where it gets messy.

The Productivity Trap

I grew up with a mom who didn't believe in just sitting around. Idle hands and all that. And I struggle to this day with feeling like I'm not being productive.

So many times, my hobbies have turned into a job. It's seriously a struggle to keep them separate.

I'll be crocheting a little buddy just for fun, just because I want to make something cute, and my brain immediately goes: "You could sell that. You should photograph that. That could be a new product line." Or I'll be working on an embroidery pattern for myself, and suddenly I'm thinking about pricing and production time and whether it would do well at markets.

It's exhausting.

I'm trying to give myself permission to make things that never get sold. To crochet a scarf that stays in my closet. To embroider a piece that just hangs on my wall. To play video games for three hours on a Saturday without feeling guilty about it.

It's hard. Really hard.

Why This Matters

I think a lot of us - especially those of us who are disabled, chronically ill, neurodivergent, or running small businesses - fall into this trap. We feel like every moment has to be justified. Every hobby has to have a purpose. Rest has to be "earned."

But that's not sustainable. And more than that, it's not true.

You don't have to monetize everything you're good at. You don't have to turn every skill into a side hustle. You're allowed to do things just because they bring you joy, just because they help you decompress, just because you want to.

I'm still learning this. I'm still fighting against the voice in my head that says I should be doing something "useful" instead of building a virtual city or crocheting a buddy that will never see the inside of my shop.

But I'm trying. And maybe that's enough for now.